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Fatwa Answer
Assalaam Alaikum,
I have been married to my wife for 16 years with 3 kids.
During sex, i lose my hardenss and also ejaculate sooner, because of this problem my wife feels unsatisfied and gets frustrated. I have been trying some medications but its not helping.
I have few questions:
1) What are my permissable options to make this marriage work?
2) Should I let her go by divorcing her so she can marry again with a person who can satisfy her?
3) If we stay in marriage and if she gets in sexual relationship with other man, Will this sin be on me? Will I be accountable to Allah for her illigal relationship?
Please advise on the basis of Quran and Hadith.
Jazakallah khair.
بسم اللہ الرحمن الرحیم
الجواب وباللہ التوفیق
- You need to consult a good physician to get treatment of your weakness and live a successful married life.
- Do not divorce your wife, your illness is apparently minor, it can be easily treated.
- So, pay attention to the treatment.
- Apart from this, considering the future of your children, this action is inappropriate.
- A wife's relationship with a stranger while married, is extremely dishonorable, treacherous, and is forbidden. It should be avoided. It is very distressing to imagine decline of your honor and dignity as a husband. Men who have such thoughts are called (د یوث), a cuckold (husband of an adulterous wife) in Ahadith.
- In the Hadith-al-Qudsi, it is said that Allah (SWT) has created three things with His own Hand:
a. One is Hazrat Adam, the other is Torah and the third is Paradise.
b. Then he said that cuckold cannot live in Paradise.
The Companions said, O Messenger of Allah, who is a cuckold? He (SAW) said that he who does not care about the debauchery of his wife.
Therefore, it is important to protect oneself from this treacherous and intellectual freedom and apostasy. It is a crime and a sin to remain silent on the misconduct of the wife and not to stop her from immorality. Therefore, if you tolerate it, then in the sight of Allah you will also be guilty.
ولو وصل الیھا مرۃ ثم عجز لا خیارلھا۔(ھندیہ: قدیم زکریا:۱؍۵۲۴)
اذا اولبح الثفۃ فلیس بف۔۔۔(ھندیہ ،کتاب الطلاق: ۱؍۵۲۲)
يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا قُوا أَنْفُسَكُمْ وَأَهْلِيكُمْ نَارًا وَقُودُهَا النَّاسُ وَالْحِجَارَةُ عَلَيْهَا مَلَائِكَةٌ غِلَاظٌ شِدَادٌ لَا يَعْصُونَ اللَّهَ مَا أَمَرَهُمْ وَيَفْعَلُونَ مَا يُؤْمَرُونَ (التحریم:۶)
قَالَ النَّبِيُّ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ: " إِنَّ اللَّهَ عَزَّ وَجَلَّ خَلَقَ ثَلَاثَةَ أَشْيَاءَ بِيَدِهِ: خَلَقَ آدَمَ بِيَدِهِ، وَكَتَبَ التَّوْرَاةَ بِيَدِهِ، وَغَرَسَ الْفِرْدَوْسَ بِيَدِهِ، ثُمَّ قَالَ: وَعِزَّتِي لَا يَسْكُنُهَا مُدْمِنُ خَمْرٍ وَلَا دَيُّوثٌ ". فَقَالُوا: يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ، قَدْ عَرَفْنَا مُدْمِنَ الْخَمْرِ، فَمَا الدَّيُّوثُ؟ قَالَ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ: «الَّذِي يُيَسِّرُ لِأَهْلِهِ السُّوءَ۔(الاسماء والصفات للبیہقی: ۶۹۲)
عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ عُمَرَ رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُمَا، أَنَّهُ: سَمِعَ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ يَقُولُ: «كُلُّكُمْ رَاعٍ وَمَسْئُولٌ عَنْ رَعِيَّتِهِ، فَالإِمَامُ رَاعٍ وَهُوَ مَسْئُولٌ عَنْ رَعِيَّتِهِ، وَالرَّجُلُ فِي أَهْلِهِ رَاعٍ وَهُوَ مَسْئُولٌ عَنْ رَعِيَّتِهِ، وَالمَرْأَةُ فِي بَيْتِ زَوْجِهَا رَاعِيَةٌ وَهِيَ مَسْئُولَةٌ عَنْ رَعِيَّتِهَا، وَالخَادِمُ فِي مَالِ سَيِّدِهِ رَاعٍ وَهُوَ مَسْئُولٌ عَنْ رَعِيَّتِهِ»(صحیح بخاری:۲۴۰۹)
فقط واللہ اعلم بالصواب